Layers

i display myself differently in front of different people. i'm NOT saying i'm being hypocrite. it meant that i reveal my real self more to some than the others. it's a defensive maneuver that i subconsciously do.

with certain people, they bring out the worse in me. with them i can drop all attempts on holding "civilized" conversations, do what i want without worrying about them being offended. they can stand the crap i gave them, and i can stand theirs. friends is what i called these people.

one of the reasons that prompted this post; my really-nice-goody-two-shoes new roommate was overwhelmed when my colleagues from Bio school hang out in my room recently. with them, i'm ikanrerama WITHOUT 5 layers of politeness. it was amusing to see her flinched and blinked at every bodohs, celakas and other "loving endearments" we use when we conversed. i know at least two of my colleagues did it on purpose just to see how far her jaw will drop (sad to say, it was only approximately 2 cm....teeheee).

another reason was that mr.melancholy claimed that i'm the only person in the whole penang who knows the real him. i beg to differ. it's just that i've seen the him without 3 layers of suave and charm. it's a huge credit to take, of knowing another human being so thoroughly. because...there're still so many complex, private layers of you that i haven't seen yet.
you do understand what i'm trying to say, don't you?

speaking of which, i think it's disturbing to have another person knowing yourself very well. the random occasions when someone spoke my thoughts out loud or understood what i want without me saying anything had, in more ways, freaked me out. it felt as if i've exposed too much of myself. which is for me, a big deal. too personal and too dangerous for my own sake. there're just some things about me that i like to keep to myself. thank you for your "concerns" but no thanks...capiche?

owh...and do you think that you'd know me by just reading my words? think again.