lost cause

you  can’t  keep  safe

what  wants  to  break

and so it is

After you know me more;

do you think of me LESS ?

I can not fathom...

For one to sacrifice everything for somebody else.

Where does so much even come from?

mayhap

incessant rants are tiring. especially when one happens to be the subject.

makes one wishes that one could just throw everything out of the window in that one mad instance.

can i just be like, oh i don't know, noncommittal for my whole life?

shroommy

token of friendship

bracelets are my favourite collectibles.

this is the oldest i have. it's made of wood beads and threads. me and Dee, we bought four identical bracelets for both of us, Honey and Z in 2003. 6 years (!!)

looking back, why did we buy it? i think it was Dee who suggested buying something as a token of friendship between four of us. i vaguely remember being the one to choose this particular design. where did we bought it again? ah! a stall that sells body accessories during convo fest.

i wonder if they still have it. i saw Dee wore hers before. seldom, but she still has it. i think Honey might have lost hers (i don't have faith in you, dear. sorry. (>_<) ) maybe when i see them again i should ask about it.

Z? with the fight we had between us, maybe not. it is sad to see a person you love ignores you. and in the end, she hurt herself by pushing us away. what can i say then? i told you so? yes, people. being a good friend is hazardous to friendships too.

what am i doing remembering old times? i suddenly feel old. it's the bracelet's fault! LOL. (^_^)

maybe i should thaw my heart

i worry about my lack of compassion lately.

i found it easy to turn away salespeople. also include the ones that goes table to table in restaurants collecting charity. where some of my friends will at least donate 5 ringgit for a bookmark, i realized i don't feel comfortable donating that way.

And MJ's death? e~rmmm....*pokes eyes to produce tears but fails*

sorry but i don't understand why you're feeling sad. or why you should ask me why i am not sad. given, he had awesome dance moves. given, he had influenced a lot of artistes even my favourite ones.

but dude, doesn't mean when the guy's dead i suddenly have to be his fan.

boycott?

i thought i'd share a conversation i had with a pastor recently. 

he asked whether i received those kind of emails that asked moslems to boycott american products? Yes. 

and he asked me whether i joined the boycott? umm..Yes and No. i won't delve into my answer here. 

and then he asked me out of his curiosity; those that adamantly send emails asking people to boycott the american companies, aren't they using an email account which is an american product? ..........hmmm...

so tell me. did any of our moslem brothers and sisters living in malaysia had really, really managed to boycott american products  100% from their lives?

What if i wanted to break?

You want me to conform to your ideals. So what if i'm not as nice as you, not as friendly as you, not as loyal as you? i need none of your concerns.

Being impulsive is wrong? i beg to differ. I'm having much more fun with my life than you.

Speaking of which, life doesn't come with instruction manuals. But surely if it does, i'm going to choose something entirely different than yours.

And unlike you, when all that i have done is to make myself happier...

Do you still think less of me?

on autopilot

i don't remember what happened on the drive back to campus the other day.

i'm having a heated discussion with a friend while behind the wheel and i sort of drove the car on reflex.

red light, stop.
green light, go.
maintain distance 3m from car up front.
signal when changing lanes.
maintain speed at 80km/hr.

i really, really remembered nothing. not even the big tesco that i must've passed on the way, so focused i was on the ongoing argument.

when told, said friend didn't even flinch. saying that i was driving like normal. hello? how convinced are you that your life is safe in my hands?

i should've not blanked out like that. i should stop multi-tasking while driving (which is a bad, bad habit. i know).

so, yeah. i scare myself.

Malaysia has spoken

my only comment, it was just as i expected.

food for thought:
-for the opposition party, stop crying foul play when you didn't get that seat. if there were, would you think you'd be able to get your big wins?
-as for the winning BN candidates, stop lazing on the comfortable chair and start scrambling.

clicky, clicky :THE FINAL RESULT

what side?

i had a profound conversation with an Iraqi professor yesterday.

Prof: -explaining how to cut the fish oocytes so that i can get perfect slices as thick as 5micron.-"so you cut this side here, here and here so that the paraffin will not affect the sample."
Rerama: "but Prof. the oocytes are spheres right?"
Prof: "yes...why?"
Rerama: "so, how do i know which side is which?"
Prof: "Ah...that's subjective, isn't it? which side would you want it to be?" *winked at rerama*

when Bodo ain't just a city in Norway

emotions run high due to the coming national election.

i'm clarifying this earlier. i'm not going home to vote this year because of geographical difficulties and career impossibilities. unsatisfied with me?? who the hell cares.

still, i would like to make my stand clear. if you think i'm rooting for BN, you're wrong. but if you think i'll support the opposition party, you're wrong too. in my opinion, BOTH parties are still found wanting in making this country a better place.

but hey, if you want to convince me otherwise, feel free to try. however, i'm begging you. please provide concrete evidence in your arguments (in which concrete means hard, cold facts. not "facts" originated from "somebody-told-me-that"s or "i-read-from-internet"s).

being objective and unbiased is what i do to make a living as a researcher.

by the way, what's wrong in me being neutral? i don't get why some people practically blew off their lids when i told them i don't have any political preferences. plus when i started to point out what's wrong with the political parties they support (this being BOTH BN and BA) they completely went emo on me. is it because i'm pointing out the obvious?

come on, people. take a deep breath and please be rational. if you don't like somebody else forcing you to accept their opinions, why would you think it's okay for you to force them to accept yours?

in a perfect world only will people choose leaders based on their integrity, not their political parties.

apprehensive

forced that right foot out to step into a new place. making new friends is a hard thing to do, isn't it? especially when they have the right to evaluate you.

it makes me wanna run and hide. but knowing me, i'll have myself plunged to the deep end of the pool with an oxygen tank and hope that they let me float to the surface later.

haraheta

i was hungry last night. hungry, but lazy to go out to buy dinner. plus it was raining too.

decided to eat instant noodles. maggi mee goreng perisa pedas asli. yummy.
prepared 2 packets because my stomach convinced me that 1 packet is not going to be enough. but then managed to eat only about half a packet amount of mee.

see? that's why gluttony is a sin.
or did my stomach shrank from the cold?

in the end, the rest of it was thrown into the big black dustbin outside.

moral of the story:
cook one packet of instant noodles at a time eventhough you think you're starving.

it's semantics

there's difference between "i can" and "i want to".

e.g;
i can help you, but i don't want to.
i want to help, but i can't.

and my sentence of the day coming from miss peachy.

"i can spend my life without you, but i don't want to."

awww....you're soOOooo sweet...manuel is one helluva lucky guy.

i think i had a toothache.

wasted tears

i'd like to confess that i cried the other day.
and my heart had been lighter.

i'm learned (and still learning) that trust is such a fragile thing. you thought people trust you and you thought you trust them, but it turns out that i've been living in an imaginary world of my own. note to self: never get too attached to people in future.

another lesson that i've learned was comfort and understanding can be found from those you least expected it from. when i was flailing, they offered them without me asking for it and without fuss. and those i expected it from, let's just say it took me a nanosecond to realize that i'm not getting any. makes me wonder, who's who and what's what. again, it's my imaginary world i left, all suitcases packed and with a one-way ticket out, to realize it.

"i hate crying. it's just a waste of tears." ~sob~
"i know."
"crying is so tiring." ~sob~
"i know."
~sob~
"....."
"could you please not tell anyone that i cried today?"
"when did you cry?"
~sniffles~ "thanks."


with this kind of drama in my life, who says i need tv? ~self-ironic bemusement~

i plead ignorance

A friend was offended when i said i don't know who the hell is Heliza ~pun intended~ (by d way, she was one of the finalists in malaysian reality tv show Akademi Fantasia).

This made him launched a "i-can't-believe-you-where-on-earth-have-you-been-didn't-you-read-the news" lecture.

Oh please. I replied. Unless she was featured in Aquaculture or Developmental Biology journals, I have no reason to care about her.

Don't you at least watch tv? He exclaimed.

Well, I do ocasionally. Hey, even my hostel block has ASTRO. But why in sweet heavens MUST. I. WATCH. AF??

I can see that he's getting more livid by the minute. I sorta understood his feelings. It must be how I will feel if somebody criticized L'Arc en Ciel.

Not wanting him to burst a vein, I took the easy way out and tried to placate him. Sorry, I said. It's just that I don't read *cough*tabloid*cough* news much.

THEN, he started another lecture on how "it-is-important-to-read-news-or-you-can't-get-any-job-bcoz-you-don't-even-
know-who-Heliza-is".He even gave me an impromptu quiz on malaysian business+politics. Which yours truly lack in general knowledge.
Double damn...

I can see his point. The world doesn't revolve around things that only I deemed important. Sometimes I need to conform my ideals to the world's expectations. Nevertheless, he don't need to have that wide smirk on his face. ~geram~

And the big question still remains, where does Heliza fit in all this???

familiar faces

some of my old friends has returned to haunt penang again. is KL really not that happening?

i know, i know. as the malay saying goes tempat jatuh lagi dikenang, inikan pula tempat jatuh cinta...oops...bermain. which means something like; if you remember the place where you have bad memories, you'll surely remember the place with good memories.

i wonder how much memories i've accumulated living nearly 7 yrs in penang?

it was decidedly weird

he'll be the last person on earth that i thought i can get along with. bcoz as long as i can remember, we've been at each other's throats since as long as i can remember.

and there i was, laughing at his jokes (amusing they were), admiring his daughter's pics, having a decent conversation together, and the thought "he's not that bad" ACTUALLY crept into my mind.

mebbe my BS-tolerance level has increased with wisdom and age?
or mebbe i have never bothered to look past his facade and see the man he is now?

i like to think it's the former.

what makes it weirder was some of the things we talked about were really eye-openers. it's like you wondered why izit the decepticons took so long to find megatron. and then your car transformed into starscream and explained to you that their GPS malfunctioned and it's only after hundred yrs that they managed to find our constellation. or something.

heh, i suck at metaphors.

to mr.macho dad, you gave me a whole new meaning to the word "cliche". i hate it when you're right.

and yes, you're mooning at your new Tag watch.