i ain't no lifeguard.

please don't jump into the deep end of the pool if you don't know how to swim.
at least learn to doggy paddle, capiche?

late

later might become too late.

i do what i want

“Listen, smile, agree. And then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway.”

Thank you for the advice, Mr. Robert Downey Jr.

it's you, not me.

some people just have that negativity in them that turn off others.

why couldn't they realize that it's their attitude that makes people stay away when everybody shun them? short of bashing their heads to the wall, of course.

it's just so obvious that they're the ones at fault but they put the blame on others.and what's with people trying to make other people feel guilty for their shortcomings?

because to truth to be told, it makes other people hate them more.

p/s: i love being passive aggressive. sue me. ;P

keeping my mouth shut

somebody told me before, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything."

i don't have anything nice to say to you. just saying.

the way to a man's heart?

her: "they say the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. maybe i should start listening to them? but everyday i lunch with him, he still reject..."

rerama: "but did you PAY for his lunch? the way to his heart via his stomach is through your wallet. see where u go wrong? LOL"

-we were jokingly discussing how to seduce our friend. ;P

betul-betul kawan...

"kawan" ni definisi setiap orang lain-lain. ada orang tu sampai beribu-riban friends dia kat facebook/follow dia punya twitter tapi percayala, tak sampai separuh pun yang dia kenal asal-usul nya. pastu boleh plak nak ngaku banyak kawan plak tu. oh please. definisi "betul-betul kawan" aku ialah manusia yang ikhlas nak tolong aku kalau aku susah atau ikhlas rasa gembira bila aku gembira. and aku sangat bersukur yang aku bukan manusia yang tak ade "kawan".

selama aku hidup kat dunia ni lah kan, ada beberapa telltales untuk tau yang orang tu betul-betul kawan kita (disclaimer: this is my observation. may or may not apply to you):-

(1) relationship tu ada give and take. aku rasa zaman ni dalam citer sinetron indon/drama korea/drama hindustan/telenovela mexico (you get the gist) aje yang boleh jumpa watak yang ko-buatlah-jahat-kat-aku-takpe-aku-terima-dengan-hati-yang-rela. seriously?? at least drama omputeh realistic la sikit walaupun plastic.

(2) kawan-kawan aku yang aku kenal masa kat USM dulu dan kamceng sampai sekarang; kitorang amalkan jangan berhutang duit. hutang budi takpe, slowly bayar balik. hutang duit jangan. sedangkan suami isteri, adik beradik sekeluarga pun boleh bergaduh pasal duit. inikan plak kawan...ye tak?

(3) don't be demanding and controlling. kawan baik korang ada plan dengan orang lain weekend ni tapi tak ajak korang? biarlah dia. buatpe nak kecik ati. korang ingat korang sorang je manusia dalam hidup dia? nak sangat spend time dengan kawan korang, please plan and book early.

so macam mana nak tau yang orang tu betul-betul anggap kita sebagai kawan dia, dan kita betul-betul anggap dia sebagai kawan kita? aku kalau nak tau senang aje...

kawan-kawan aku kalo aku kutuk diorang, diorang akan gelak-gelak, pastu akan kutuk balik double. vice versa. kutuk jangan kutuk lemah lembut, ni yang kutuk kawkaw punya. kalau nak jaga hati kawan-kawan, baik jaga hati parents korang dulu. jaga hati parents boleh masuk syurga tau. tak payah la nak jaga hati sangat. orang yang betul-betul kawan kita akan terima baik buruk kita seadanya.

[ikanrerama is in the mood to write in the malay language. wow. *snerks*]

strangers when we meet...

hopefully [still] strangers when we part.

some friends are just too nice for your own good. they overlook your ego and tolerate your whiny arse. they give, give and give while you take, take and take. can't help wonder what a masochistic lot they are coz you are one helluva study of arrogance and selfishness.

pardon my english, i'm totally being judgmental here. i absolutely hate people who treat their "friends" bad.

you wish

the common misconception people had about me is i don't like arguing.

dead wrong. i do.

i like to talk back especially when i know i'm correct. even my supervisor has commented on my double entendres (which is a way of me saying something bad by saying something that sounds nice). 

hoping you're not too thick-headed to understand it.

on the occasion that i don't say anything about the stupid things you said just means that i'm trying to be nice. that or i think it's too exhausting to pursue the line of argument.

so, you should've bless your lucky stars when i opted to just keep quiet on that remark.

and you should've not force me to "say something".

now, you must've wished you had never forced me to speak.

right?

5 tips of not making your girl pissed off over your girlfriend

1.your girl doesn't need to know what you told your girlfriend about her.
-it makes her think that she has to have your girlfriend's consent to be with you. NEVER.EVER.DO.THIS.

2.your girl doesn't really want to know the witty remarks/hilarious jokes/latest gossip from your girlfriend.
-your girl will think that you're subconsciously comparing her with your girlfriend. and if she confronts you with it, means she has had enough and only divine intervention can save you from her wrath.

3.never use the words "...but she has known me for ages", "...but she understands me better than myself" or anything else in similar vein for excuses should the need to do so rise.
-your girl would like to think that only and ONLY her thought counts and she is the ONLY ONE that "knows you better than yourself". eventhough you value your girlfriend's opinions much more than hers. just DON'T.

4.cut down the playful "punch-at-the-shoulder"s and control your impulse to joke uncontrollably with your girlfriend in front of your girl.
-your girl doesn't appreciate you being "chummy" with another female. even if she says she's cool with it. DO.NOT.BELIEVE.

5.only call or text your girlfriend in front of your girl in life-threatening situations.
-this is a no-brainer. duh~*


found myself in the "girlfriend" seat a number of times. too many for my own liking, i say. my guy friends have a tendency to get me in deep shit although i know they didn't mean to. judging from the cold shoulders their girls gave me (which the guys were totally clueless to begin with), it's a wonder i haven't freeze to death already.

guys, however platonic our friendship is, remember this. your girl don't want to share you with any other female in your life (family and relatives not included, but sometimes they will be).

guh~

there's no need to go to such hassle just to make my life miserable.

it's much better if you just stay at your place and spread the gloom from there.
better still wish you're not around to spoil the mood.

mood spoiler.

Stop typing...you're annoying!!!

:ikanrerama taking a deep calming breath:

a friend has been bugging me with questions through yahoo messenger. Okay...I understand that you might have some “difficulties” understanding computer jargons. but for crying out loud. HOW MANY TIMES MUST I EXPLAIN IT TO YOU??? arghhh….!!!!

patience running out, I asked him to google the said subject. I even generously supplied the keywords. But noooOOOOoooo…..he wanted me to google it for him saying, I quote, “it’s much easier if you do it for me.”

WHA~AT THE -insert creative swearing here- HE~ELL???

I did what any sane person would have done in my place. Barred him from seeing me online.

Dumb annoying friend aside, I've got to admit. I have a HUGE problem with people who have lots of questions to ask. Intellectual, profound, mind-boggling questions I can tolerate, but questions that were asked when the answer is very obvious or because said person don’t want to think for him/herself… oooh, you’re so going to be at the receiving end of my wrath.

Sorry darling, I haven't got any silver spoon left. would you like me to shove some common sense up your nose into your brain with my bare hands instead?

Layers

i display myself differently in front of different people. i'm NOT saying i'm being hypocrite. it meant that i reveal my real self more to some than the others. it's a defensive maneuver that i subconsciously do.

with certain people, they bring out the worse in me. with them i can drop all attempts on holding "civilized" conversations, do what i want without worrying about them being offended. they can stand the crap i gave them, and i can stand theirs. friends is what i called these people.

one of the reasons that prompted this post; my really-nice-goody-two-shoes new roommate was overwhelmed when my colleagues from Bio school hang out in my room recently. with them, i'm ikanrerama WITHOUT 5 layers of politeness. it was amusing to see her flinched and blinked at every bodohs, celakas and other "loving endearments" we use when we conversed. i know at least two of my colleagues did it on purpose just to see how far her jaw will drop (sad to say, it was only approximately 2 cm....teeheee).

another reason was that mr.melancholy claimed that i'm the only person in the whole penang who knows the real him. i beg to differ. it's just that i've seen the him without 3 layers of suave and charm. it's a huge credit to take, of knowing another human being so thoroughly. because...there're still so many complex, private layers of you that i haven't seen yet.
you do understand what i'm trying to say, don't you?

speaking of which, i think it's disturbing to have another person knowing yourself very well. the random occasions when someone spoke my thoughts out loud or understood what i want without me saying anything had, in more ways, freaked me out. it felt as if i've exposed too much of myself. which is for me, a big deal. too personal and too dangerous for my own sake. there're just some things about me that i like to keep to myself. thank you for your "concerns" but no thanks...capiche?

owh...and do you think that you'd know me by just reading my words? think again.

Selfish

sometimes you just need to be selfish
so that others won't take you for granted
don't you hate it when you can't say no?
even when you know you're being manipulated
just indulge yourself in a little ME-ME time
you'll find that it's very self-satisfactory

this is dedicated to a friend who has been very unselfish..
you need to learn to say NO demmit!

Holding a fish

I always carry my experiment fishies in a small plastic tank from fish house to lab whenever I need to collect sample for molecular work. Not sure why, but the sight of me holding a fish tank will attract curiosity from people I met along the way. Be it the lecturers, staffs, students, complete strangers, even the janitor too. Inquiries on what I’m going to do with the fish, what type, how I’m going to kill it, blah, blah…. It goes on and on. Busybodies.

Out of courtesy, I did answer their first query. Usually in curt words and accompanied with defensive body language to discourage them (poyo face, not making eye contact, that kind of body language lah). Most of them understood and left me alone. The ones I have a bone to pick with are those who keep on bombarding me with questions. Hello? Did u really think I would discuss my research with u inside a lift/the middle of the corridor/standing at the parking lot under hot sun?? gilerrrr…..

Should’ve worn a
“DO NOT ASK PERSON CARRYING FISH TANK QUESTIONS, WILL BITE”
sign around my neck. But I guess, the questions will keep on coming.

“Would u really bite me?”